I pulled the push mower out of the shed, turned the key, moved the gears to the start position, and pulled the cord. The mower was running. I engaged the blades and began mowing. What I couldn't figure out was why it was so hard to push! This was a self-propelled mower that makes easy work by offering speed adjustment so that you practically just steer it. But it wasn't working for me. I moved every gear and gadget and knob and handle that I saw, but to no avail. The mower felt like a lead weight that took all my effort to push across the yard for one single swath of cut grass.
I had 2 choices. Quit. Or keep going. Our awesome neighbor wasn't home to ask for help, rain was moving in the next day, so I kept mowing. Sweat was running off of me and my hands ached from the force needed to push the metal handlebar. I knew there was a way to access the helpful self-propelled feature on this mower, but I couldn't figure out how. So I just kept mowing. An hour and a half later, the lawn was mowed and I knew my hubby would be grateful. My hands and lower back were a different story.
As I reflect back over the past couple of months, I see quite the parallel between this battle with the mower and the battle inside myself with the Lord's leading. I have felt the pull to be more present in my home and family's lives and less present outside of the home. I couldn't put my finger on the nudge, so I just kept going and pushing against the weight of it. I had no idea what this force was or where it was coming from. But it was weighing me down and exhausting me.
Just as I was wrestling with the mower and not able to tap into the power it contained, I too was wrestling with God's call on my life. He wasn't telling me the how's or what's, but He was asking me to be obedient and trust His plan without the details. This type-A gal likes to see the whole plan laid out before me and God doesn't work that way.
What I failed to realize, was that the power of the Holy Spirit was working inside of me and I kept stubbornly fighting against Him. Just like I realized the self-propelled feature on the mower was right at my fingertips, but I failed to engage it. On both accounts, I had the power greater than myself available to me, but I wrestled with doing things the hard way on my own.
So today, I mowed our lawn as a surprise for my hubby, but this time I activated the self-propelled power with the slide of a small orange lever. It was there all along, waiting for me to have the wisdom to use it. In the same manner, today I am following the Holy Spirit's leading, which was there all along; just waiting for me to engage wisdom and surrender self. I'm serving in my home full-time and excited to see where this new journey is going to take me! No more fighting a force that is designed to help and guide, but instead, embracing the power of the Holy Spirit who leads and strengthens my faith for each next step. Well, at least for today........everyone knows I naturally have a stubborn bent......
