The Sweetness of "Porch-Swing Season"

     My favorite part of the day for the past several weeks has been on my back porch swing.  For about an hour or so each day, I meet with Jesus in quiet, sweet sunshine, swinging to a rhythm all my own.  I set the busyness of my day and responsibilities aside to just be still and be in God's Word.  Time of Scripture and devotions, time to marvel at the blue skies and creation surrounding me, time to breathe in so as to replenish all that is breathed out during the rest of my day.  I find myself longing for this time each day and hurrying to get to my swing.
     As I watch the clock and know my solitude draws to a close, I also anticipate the footsteps of my son in the grass as he walks home from school.  I hear him before I see him, but the moment I see his face he always has a smile for me.  A smile for Mama.  My sweet, porch-swing time is extended as he joins me and we enjoy time to talk about our days while swinging in a comfortable mother-son way.  I get to hear all about school, friends, homework, jokes, and any other part of his day he wants to share with me.  All too quickly he is leaving the porch to go play a video game and I must pull myself away from the swing to head to the bus stop for my daughter.
     Her time with Mama is much different.  I can gauge how my daughter's day at school went by her face and shoulders as she gets off the bus.  There's not always a smile for Mama.  Her sensitive spirit proves to be a delicate dance that requires special care as soon as the van door opens.  She is not able to wait for swing time with me; instead she immediately bubbles over.  Our ride back to the house holds many treasures as she pours her heart out.  Our mother-daughter rhythm is much more listening on my part, and releasing on hers.  I must reserve the swing for those days she needs Mama close and we can swing away the blues together.
     I treasure these moments with my children and hold them dear as I know they are only here for a season.  I thank the Lord for this season and I thank my husband for providing so that I can be the Mama waiting at home after school.  The blessing of my swing time does not go unappreciated.  As the weather grows colder, I will bundle up in a coat and blanket and enjoy this season on my swing as long as I can.  While I wish we had room indoors to hibernate the swing for winter, I'll just have to be creative and find another special place inside where I can meet with Jesus to recharge and love on my children after school.  A cozy closet of blankets, pillows, and flashlights may be the perfect winter den where this Mama can be found on any given afternoon.  :)

Surrendering Expectations

     A very dear friend recently told me "you have to set aside your idea of what it should look like; it may not look like your dream".  Within the context of our conversation and topic, that was hard advice to hear.  Everyone wants their dream-come-true and their happily-ever-after.  She was asking me to lay down my expectations.

Expectations:  noun,  plural noun:  expectations  

1. a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.  

2.  a belief that someone will or should achieve something.  

{Enter my stubborn will}  "I don't want to set aside my expectations.  This is what I want it to look like."  Those same words could easily be spoken by any young child, yet here I am stomping my foot and insisting on something that isn't very likely, at least not in the foreseeable future.  My friend was loving me back to reality and asking me to refocus my imposed expectations.  She could see my need for an adjusted happily-ever-after rather than no happily-ever-after.

"...the sweetness of a friend comes from {her} honest counsel."  ~Proverbs 27:9b (ESV)

     So how do I lay down my desires and my ideas?  How do I put my expectations aside when they coincide with the heart of my character? What does it look like to compromise on the process, but not on the outcome?  Am I willing to surrender part of me for the greater good?  Big questions.

{Enter my BIG God}  I don't need to have the answers of the how?, all I need is the Who that can redesign my heart and temper my expectations.  God can fill the grooves of my heart left by disappointment with His love and compassion if I just surrender.  Stop pushing my own agenda, and allow Him to fashion the dream best suited for me.

"I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you.  I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."  ~Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

     God always dreams bigger for us than our finite minds are even capable of.  He knows the beginning from the end; and everything in between.  I must continue to trust His ways and allow Him to lead my heart beyond my expectations to the happily-ever-after that He has designed.  It will be so worth the surrender of my dreams for His dreams.

       "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  ~Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

     Let me be the first to tell you, this girl is still a stubborn, messy work in progress. There are days I hold on to my wants with every muscle in my body.  I've also been known to revert back to those childish temper-tantrums when life doesn't roll the way I pictured it.  ;)  Placing expectations on my myself and others seems to just come naturally.  Thankfully, God doesn't expect the same standard of perfectionism that I tend to impose.  In His great mercy, He lovingly accepts us where we are and gently chisels our expectations into God-honoring dreams.   Perfection this side of eternity doesn't exist anyway.  I need to accept His grace for my own imperfections and learn to give that same grace to others.
     The Lord blessed me with a dear friend to show me that putting aside my expectations will allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to the happily-ever-after that He wants to give me.  Surrendering my expectations.  I can honestly say this is a "Goliath" size battle for me in the present moment, so for now, this blog is

TO BE CONTINUED...........

Medicinal Mud

     I can be way too serious for my own good.  Full-blown belly laughs can be few and far between for me.  Not sure why, it just is.  Maybe because I tend to be an anxious person, but that is another topic all in itself!  With my current knee limits, I knew another half-marathon was not going to be written on my fall calendar.  So this summer, I decided to challenge myself with more fun than running.  I signed up for our local  "Muddy Mamas Mud Run".  Totally out of my comfort zone, and totally out of my way-too-cautious character!  Boy, was that "just what the doctor ordered"!
     What started out as a personal challenge to mix things up, turned out to be one of the best days I've had in a while.  Two other friends joined me in the craziness.  My children were excited to come and cheer me on as Mama got muddy.  My hubby wanted to spectate behind his camera and capture all the nitty gritty that the event would hold.  And my parents got wind of this event and came out to support my muddy morning--what could make parents more proud than watching their first-born get covered in mud!  ;)
     There's just something about peeling back that layer of logic and giving yourself permission to enjoy the moment; no matter how silly you may look!  From the very first Muddy Mama obstacle where I dove head first down a slippery tarp landing in a pit of mud and water, I felt a freedom I didn't know I missed.  From that moment on, it was game on!  It was like I came alive.  Anticipating the next obstacle waiting for me, facing it head on, watching my friends laugh with me as we became messier by the minute, and seeing my family cheering me on with grins spread across their faces (not with mud like mine).  Sometimes you don't realize how heavy your heart is until you allow yourself to breathe in a little laughter--the full blown belly kind that doubles you over in stitches.  "Laughter is the best medicine" holds much truth.
     My hubby did indeed capture every nitty gritty detail of the Muddy Mamas Mud Run from behind his camera lens!  Scrolling through all 215 pictures (hubby earned paparazzi status), I still couldn't stop smiling!  Some photos even cause me to bust out laughing all over again.  As I was sharing the pictures from that day, many friends commented on the way I was smiling through it all.  Well, that smile went much deeper.  It was a soul smile.  Medicine for a spirit more stressed  than I realized.  Muddy medicine that covered my body, but uncovered my joy!  What a great reminder that when life weighs you down with all of it's messiness, look Up to the One in control, and then look around for the next soul smile waiting for you.  :)

MUDDY MAMAS:  Left: me / Center:  Bonnie / Right: Tina

God's "Glow-in-the-dark" Fingerprints

  [LIFE INTERRUPTED:  'When Women Say Yes to God' Blog-Hop post]   

     The story of our life interrupted.  Our family of four was quietly living on the family farm, working long days to make ends meet while raising two toddlers.  In a mobile home in a remote section of our county, we functioned in a comfortable auto-pilot mode.  Lots of hard work and sacrifice, but lots of love too.  "Love grows big in little houses."  The unexpected passing of my father-in-law catapulted our family into a "life interrupted" status, but little did we know that even harder struggles were ahead for us, and God had one messy journey for us to take before we reached our final destination of blessing.
      As we struggled to find a new normal and adjust to a "Dad/Granddad" size hole in our lives and on the farm, our family slowly began to unravel the edges of a rug that covered generations of abuse.  Picture a large braided area rug--the outer ring unravels, the next ring unravels, followed by the next, and soon tattered lives are exposed.  Yes, life was indeed interrupted.  Two young adults trying to make sense of senseless acts while vowing to protect their own two children from the devastation found under that seemingly beautiful family rug.  The song, "I Need You Jesus--to Come to My Rescue" by Newsong, quickly became our cry for help.  We were at the end of ourselves; broken, hurting, lost, and lacking the means, and courage, to do anything about it.  Our world became very dark very quickly.
     God, in His loving mercy, orchestrated a series of humanly impossible events to make it only Divinely possible for us to be rescued from our pit.  We found ourselves packing up our home and belongings on the family farm, because God had a bigger and better plan for us.  Thrilled, excited, hopeful, nervous, and grateful we moved our family to His new home for us.  We had been rescued!  The Lord provided the Way!  We saw the visual rescue; He saw the Spiritual rescue.  We saw this move as the end of our misery--a way to get out from under the "rug"; He saw the hairpin turns up ahead yet knew even they were for our good.  Had God given me a "map" for what was ahead on our journey because of our move, I wouldn't have moved.  I would have suffered in that pit and "made the most of it".  God knew me better.  <3  He only asked me to walk one step at a time in faith.  I didn't need to know the big picture, I knew my big God.

"I will instruct you and teach in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  ~Psalm 32:8

     So our family began to settle in to our new home, new community, new schools, new church family, and new friends.  But more importantly, we began to settle in to our deeper relationship with Christ.  The Spiritual rescue.  No more auto-pilot mode.  Our souls had been stripped bare and only Jesus could heal the wounds.  He was like a balm that soothed the hurts in our hearts.  We could finally breathe again, knowing we were safely wrapped in the arms of Jesus.  Then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, our new life was interrupted.  One tiny business card placed on our front door would rock our footing once more.  We had a lawsuit filed against us.  Family was seeking revenge against us for unraveling their "perfect" rug and moving our family away.  And so our messy journey continued; with our faithful Lord carrying us so only one set of footprints could be seen in the mud and the mire of our lives (Psalm 40:2).
     I desperately wish I could tell you the lawsuit ended well and the Lord allowed truth to prevail.  But it did not.  In this fallen world, lies and money carry more weight than they should.  Yet our God is Sovereign, and nothing comes into our lives without first passing through His Hands.  He knew the outcome.  He allowed the outcome.  Because He knew the blessing He had designed for us.  Life interrupted was a dark valley of betrayal for us.  But through that valley God ministered to us in ways only He knew we needed, because God intimately knows us and how our hearts beat.  We could not have severed unhealthy relationships on our own.  We would have fought the battles, but never won.  A severed family is counter-intuitive to the way He designed us, yet in this situation, it is God's very best for us and our children.  Through devastating circumstances God enabled us to walk away from harmful family when we would not have had the strength to do so on our own.   God knows best, because He's GOD.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   ~Jeremiah 29:11

     That is the blessing of life interrupted.  God loves us enough to carry us through heartache so that He can firmly plant us on the other side where His blessing awaits.  Only He can see over the mountain.  We must be faithful and obedient to climb one step at a time.  For us, God's greatest gift came in the ugliest package.  My human eyes would have refused the "gift" because I could not see through the painful packaging.  But God knew the blessing waiting inside and the stronger faith He was creating through complete dependence on Him.  God heals, God restores, and God delivers.  I'd never volunteer for life interrupted, but then I'd never enter the blessing God has designed for me in His rescue.  Our life interrupted produced a life now lived for His glory.  Looking back to that long, dark season for our family, we can so clearly see God's "Glow-in-the-dark" fingerprints all over our lives.  He was fighting for us in the darkest of hours and now His glory shines so brightly as the victory belongs to the Lord!  Our story.....His Glory.

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive."   ~Genesis 50:20

When the Shoe Fits, You Feel Like Cinderella

     Today was one of those moments when time stood still and God gave me just a glimpse of what He sees. Too often we limit our box of thinking to match the limits we see in our ourselves.  We short change the power of God in us and only see the possibilities within our human scope and reach.  But when God exceeds that finite box we place ourselves in, we can know for certain His glory will be revealed and He has prepared an audience for HIS story.  God took me by the hand today and led me to the "ball" He has invited me to dance at, and as I tried on the glass slipper of His call for me, it fit perfectly and I felt like Cinderella!

     I've been trying to wrap my mind around the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone in the specific fashion the Lord has been nudging me to do.  I knew the "what" He was asking of me, but I was stuck trying to envision the "how" and the "can I?".  That finite box of my mind wasn't big enough for me to dance in the way He was asking me to.  Yet I chose to be obedient and accept His call of service.  The past few months have been a pendulum swinging between "you're crazy" and "you can do this".  Today, however, He brought the pendulum back to center and gave me a glimpse of the "how":  HE can do this through me.  It's His dance and He's leading.  It was a Cinderella kind of day for me.  :)  God slipped on the glass slipper He designed just for me just for this dance, and it fit.....Cinderella danced outside her box onto God's ballroom floor!
     "We are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."   ~Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

Summer Wasn't "Green", It Was Golden

     Summer holds so many of my favorite things, many of them in the feminine venue I so dearly love.  Sundresses, flip-flops, long-curly hair in the breeze, walks with the hubby at dusk, reading on the porch swing, and of course the romantic setting of the beach.  Summer is the season of my heart where the warm sunshine magnifies everything near and dear to me.  These three short months of summer are more than worth those long, cold winter months that seem to stand time still.  At least that's my flip-flop perspective--patiently waiting for the boots to be packed away again.  :)
     But as is true with other areas in life, we can easily overbook ourselves, and before we know it summer is long gone.  So many activities, so little summer.  Even with a calendar free of school obligations, sports seasons are finishing up, recitals have been performed, and all of summer stretches ahead of us, our have-to-do-this-summer lists quickly fill in the white spaces on our once blank summer calendar.  And so the perpetual summer saga continues....how much fun can we cram into these summer months of "freedom"?
     With the catalyst being a little less "green" in our summer, we found this summer to be very different than those in the past.  Money would not be the color of our summer, but rather the bright hues of yellow sunshine would fill our summer with something much more valuable.  Less GO and more REST.  Our family found the hidden paradise of summer--time to rest.  We did not become burdened with vacationing ourselves into exhaustion.  God's gift of rest was no longer just His design for Sundays; rest became His gift to us this summer.
     The lazy days of summer meant so much more to us this year.  Days that began with sleeping-in and ended with campfires and s'mores.  The laughter of children running through the yard playing "Capture the Flag".  Friends joining us for lunch, swimming, and good old fashioned girlfriend time.  Dollar movies at the theaters.  Quiet Bible study time to listen to God speak to those weak areas of my heart.  The stillness of the house as the children enjoyed reading books and the lost art of color-by-numbers.  Siblings discovering how nice each other's company could be (not to say bickering and arguing were absent).  Picnics, parks, bike rides, and playdates.  No routines, just relaxing.  Yes, the lazy days of summer became "golden" as we took out the "green".  The treasure of staying home replaced the draining race of vacationing.  Through the solar power of summer, our batteries have been recharged.
     This week of Back-to-School officially ends our season of summer.  However, I can see even more clearly just how rested we all are.  The children are excited to jump back into structure; they are even bordering on boredom for the first time in months.  They can't wait to reunite with friends and begin another school year of learning.  I am excited to dive back in to Community Bible Study, serving in a new role the Lord has asked me to trust Him with.  Willie is refreshed for his fall season of business as he gears up with new customers.  While early morning routines are going to be tough around here for a few weeks, the rest we each found this summer will make our transition into fall much smoother.  We are not juggling last minute preparations and expecting the alarm clock to rudely signal the next season prematurely.  We are rested.  We are ready.  We are refreshed. The golden sunshine in our summer was God's gift of rest.

Bravery ---> Obedience ---> Blessing

      I am not a brave woman.  I never have been.  In fact, I chide both my brothers, one more so than the other, of hogging all the "risk-taking" genes in our family!  They lived dangerously on the wild side growing up while I grew up hoping that reading books from a tree branch four feet off the ground counted as the wild side.  Needless to say, they had more fun.  :)  I still choose the risk-free route whenever possible and when I happen to find myself in circumstances requiring any level of bravery, you can bet I never raised my hand to volunteer for them.  I comfortably operate with a deficit in my bravery account and a surplus in my fear account.
     One day this summer while on vacation at the beach, my dad jokingly made this "profound" statement, "There is risk involved in everything."  We all laughed and even used that line against him in many jokes to follow, but I began to realize just how much truth those six words held.  Since Adam and Eve's disobedience in God's perfect garden, this imperfect, fallen world has experienced risk from every direction.
     "The whole book of Proverbs can be summed up with these two equations:  Obedience to God = Blessings, Disobedience = Consequences."   ~Angela Thomas
     Crime, disease, poverty, injustice; the list of suffering is endless.  We can become so gripped with fear that any hint of bravery sends us running back into our comfort zone and forfeiting our chance to be brave.  Trust me, my comfort zone is my favorite place in the whole world!  I am quite content with not being a brave woman.  Let some other chic have that title, I'm good right here.  But that's not where God wants me.....or you.  The risk-free climate of our comfort zone leaves no room for the glory of God to be revealed.
     "We all feel a tug at our heart and a stirring in our soul for more, but we are often afraid to venture past our comfort zone.  Outside our comfort zone, though, is where we experience the true awesomeness of God."   ~Lysa TerKeurst
     Living inside our comfort zone gives us a false sense of independence and control; whereas outside that comfort zone we are acutely aware of our absolute dependence on God.  It is where we push fear aside and trust our God and His purposes for our life.  Outside of our comfort zone is where we become brave.  When we get to the very edge of ourselves, that's where God makes us brave and accomplishes abundantly more than we could ever image (Ephesians 3:20-21).  Brave women have a Jesus-story and a God-size testimony where His glory reveals His awesomeness!
     I am not a brave woman.  I never have been.  But I want to be!  I want to live in the "abundantly above and beyond" God designed for me.  All He asks for is my obedience.  I need to be willing to say "Yes" to God.  Step out of my comfort zone and trust all the risks to Him.  Risk is a two-sided coin; failure or success.  However, since "there is risk involved in everything", I must simply be obedient and let God make my failures His success. That's how He leads us to the blessing.
     "God absolutely loves to take ordinary people and do extraordinary things in them, through them, and with them."   ~Lysa TerKeurst
I am not a brave woman, but I am an ordinary woman.  Messy and afraid, but bravely willing to be God's vessel.  Obeying His call.  Knees knocking, hands trembling, and having lost my ability to make spit.  I will become brave through my obedience to God.  I will be brave, I will be obedient, and I will be forever grateful for the blessing of God turning my ordinary into His extraordinary.  What an awesome God we serve!  Be Brave by being Obedient, and be prepared to be a Blessing!  The world is reading your story......let them see God's glory!

God's "Cover Girl" Doesn't Wear Make-Up

"Real ministry happens in the presence of vulnerability and transparency."   ~Angela Thomas

As much as I'd like to think I am most attractive and useful to God when my life feels "easy-breezy-beautiful", the truth is found in just the opposite.  Being a "Cover Girl" for the world to see "made-up" perfection only covers up the power of God in my messy life.  Life happens, and many times it's just plain ugly.  The seasons of my life when struggle outweighs security are the seasons when I am closest to God and most sensitive to the burden of others.  When I was a tired and lonely mama buried in dishes and diapers, the Lord guided me to home-sales where I found a world of beautiful women to connect with.  When my world crumbled with family betrayal, the Lord led me to Community Bible Study where I soaked up His healing Word and was given a world of women to love on me.  When my marriage barely resembled the "I Do's" made at the altar, the Lord gave me hope by opening my eyes to a world of hurting marriages with wounds that cut to the soul like mine.  Transparency can expose our flaws to judgement, but more often it removes the barrier keeping us from being real.  Judgement is often perceived anyway.  We judge ourselves in our minds long before others utter a single judgement.  We see a lack of beauty in the mirror and assume others see the same image.  So when life gets lonely, messy, and ugly, putting on your "make-up" and being a "Cover Girl" isn't the solution.  A life plastered with "cover-up" isn't going to allow Jesus to shine.  Covering our "blemishes" eliminates God's ability to use us in the lives of others with hurts just like ours.  We're never the only ones with scars.

"Praise be to God....the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."  ~2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Life on planet earth is hard.  Not the "easy-breezy-beautiful" that the world promises it's products will deliver.  When (not if) the trials come and our lives are anything but beautiful, the comfort and deliverance we will receive from the Lord is meant to be passed on.  Which requires transparency.  *Big breath in*   Leave your "make-up" in the drawer and share your real story.  *Big breath out*  Be vulnerable and transparent so the power of God in your mess can be seen and can testify to our humanness that only He can redeem us from.  The world's "Cover Girl" encourages us to "paint" ourselves as flawless and beautiful.  When in reality, the saving grace of Jesus makes the "natural blemishes" we all bare in this life beautiful because our faces shine with the glory of God!

So, does this mean you can now expect to see me without "make-up" the next time we bump into each other at a store or schedule a lunch date at Panera?  Nope.  This earthly, aging face still needs all the help it can get from "Cover Girl" products.  :)  And I'll probably also be sporting a fun skirt and cute shoes!  ;)  However, I'd be glad to share my hurts and fears with you and how the Lord is so faithfully walking me through each ugly one.  (And if you mention hormones, we'll be all afternoon chatting!)  Something tells me we have at least one common struggle in our stories and God has a special reason for crossing our paths. Share your beautiful, grace-filled, blemished story and watch God use you!  Minister to the "feeling-less-than-beautiful" by letting them know "I'm a 'covered-up girl' too"!  God's "Cover Girl" doesn't wear make-up so His Light can SHINE!  She's BEAUTIFUL! 

The Mama Button

Of all the warnings and advice I received as a woman about to become a Mama for the first time, I cannot remember anyone preparing me for the installation of "The Mama Button".  Looking back I can see its beginnings earlier in my life as I had a heart for children and teaching.  Even before my own children arrived, I would bring home other mama's children to love on and care for.  Little ones simply fill a special spot in the heart of my husband and I; always have and always will.  Even today, our home bustles with children and borrowed children most days, and we couldn't be happier with the love that brings.  Yet I am sure my husband does not have a "Mama Button".  Nope.  That's all me.  The Mama Button .  Somehow, installed during the birth of my first child and set to an even higher level of sensitivity during the birth of my second child.  Anyone else have this crazy thing that goes off randomly?  I'm wondering if I can have it removed?  Is it possible to have a Mama Button un-installed?    The waves of fear, anxiety, compassion, overwhelming love, and the gut level squeeze of your insides that hit unexpectedly can be rather hard to navigate and predict as a Mama.  Much less try to control.  Wouldn't life as a mama be easier if I didn't suffer from such derailments?  To have "The Mama Button" removed I would have to find out just where exactly the doctors strategically placed it unbeknownst to me.  But I'm pretty sure I know where it is.  As many times as my child, your child, or ANY child has set off my mama button, its source isn't found in my "baby pooch" that my children so kindly left behind in both of their grand exits.  No, its higher, and deeper, and wider.  My Mama Button is nestled deep inside the quiet places of my heart.  Placed there by God Himself.  The Mama Button is part of the richest blessing ever bestowed upon a woman given the privilege of being a Mama to one or more of His children.  And giving birth has nothing to do with The Mama Button.  I watch Mamas with little ones whom they did not give birth to, succumb to the Mama Button pressed deep down in their hearts.  Those sneaky little tears and ear-to-ear smiles that give them away to the world....their "Mama Button" is going off deep inside their hearts too.   Do I really want the Mama Button removed?  Never!  I wouldn't be who I am today if God hadn't planted part of His capacity for love deep within the woman He designed me to be.  So bring on the gasps, what-ifs, heart wrenching squeezes, love like no other, tears, fears, and all the other symptoms of my Mama Button that keeps this mama journey real.  God is walking this life with me and writing my mama story page by page.  He knows all about my "Mama Button" He placed within me and He promises to hold  MY hand when being a mama is scary.  Us Mamas are truly blessed to have even a glimpse of the deep love our Father has for us......every time our "Mama Button" goes off and we're frozen in the "mama moment".