"Blogging-In" the New Year

There's just something about writing that stirs me.  When I become a hot mess of emotions, usually chips and chocolate are my quick go-to's, but what I really need to do is pray and type.

Too many pounds later, I think I finally get it.  It's been a hard year.  Many poor choices, mountains of stress, and more time and sleep sacrificed than I care to count!  No running.  No blogging.  Little time carved out for prayer.

Yet, 2015 sits on the horizon; anxious to bring new beginnings.  2014 is what it is, but I can "put my big girl panties on" and embrace my opportunity to begin again.  Begin making new habits.  Begin making wiser choices.  Begin restoring health to my home, my family, and my body&soul.  Begin listening for what the Lord has planned for my year ahead.  After all, He's the One writing my story.

My iNerd hubby blessed me with an iPad that sits in a keyboard case for Christmas.  No more lugging my 17" laptop to CBS.  :)  I've fiddled with it for several days.  Even wrote my Christmas letter on it; although it was after Christmas.  But today, my heart leapt when I realized, I could BLOG again!  The closed door of blogging has been opened again!

The New Year ahead seems very much like Spring to me.  A season of change; saying goodbye to the season of dark and cold; opportunities for growth; time for health; winds of change for our family; and the hope of  new things blossoming from tiny seeds.

Running, praying, blogging.....these are a few of my favorites things.....

Real Life in Yoga Pants

The alarm went off early this morning.  Hubby was in bed sick with fever and chills, which meant I had to drag my non-morning butt out of bed earlier than normal to cover the early school schedule for child #1.  My hubby has me very spoiled by getting him up, ready, and to school before myself and the mini-me princess even need to roll out of bed for school shift #2.  Isn't it ironic that you don't realize you're spoiled until you have to do what most people do every day.  ;)

Even though I wasn't awake enough to be totally coherent of my surroundings, I was glad I could let my man sleep.  One of those rare moments I can sacrifice and offer something of value (my sleep--he knows how valuable that is!)   On go the yoga pants and hoodie and down the steps I go to get things rolling.  Lunch packed, child fed, hair up in a messy bun, flip flops on (patches of snow still on the ground), and of course sunglasses--since make-up has yet to be applied to half-open eyes.  So what if the sun isn't even up?  Sunglasses are must.

Off to school #1 I go with child #1.  Turn around, head back home.  Wake up child #2, get her ready, lunch packed, and off to school #2 with child #2.  As she is getting out of the vehicle, she gives me a sheepish grin and says, "Mom, today is library......I don't have my library book."  Add another trip to school to my to-do list.  Heading home.....I don't think I remember eating breakfast.

Back home, the laptop calls.  I jump on the couch with my yoga pants and DELL to settle in for the pressing tasks.  Emails that need attention, phone calls to make, blogs waiting, devotions to read, online research, ministry check list tackled.  Pause-----distraught friend calls and needs quality phone time and prayer.  An hour later, ok, where was I?  Oh yeah, that library book that needs dropped off at school.  Heart is still heavy with friend's burden.

Before I know it, I end my conference call at 1:30pm, grab some lunch, Motrin the hubby back up, and hop back into the van to head to school #1 to retrieve child #1.......yes, I'm still in my yoga pants, messy hair, and no make-up.  In a futile attempt to appear more put together this trip, I quickly grab a cadet hat and once again don my sunglasses.  At least the sun is partially out now.

I return home for my 20 minute "layover" and hit my laptop again to finish up replying to some incoming emails.  A UPS delivery and phone message leave me scrambling back out the door in the nick of time to pick up child #2 from the bus stop.  Whew!  That was close!  Time to think about the logistics of the evening---Awanas, dinner, baseball practice, and.......oh yeah, I haven't showered.  I need to make a pick-up for a dear friend with a sick family and one look in the mirror tells me the yoga pants attire of the day will not work this time.

Time to finally shower and then cheat by picking up pizza for dinner...........
(But I'd better start of load laundry first........never know when I'll need a fresh pair of yoga pants for another crazy day of real life!)

What Aroma Lingers After Me?

Inspired by a recent "Girlfriends in God" devotion, I asked myself a hard question.  "What aroma lingers around those I have been near?"  As I thought about that, I realized I leave different aromas depending on the relationships I have.  As Lysa TerKeurst identifies in her book "Unglued", we all have different reactions depending on who we are around in situations.  Likewise, I see myself leaving different aromas with different relationships.  Christ should be the aroma my life leaves......but my human messiness can be overpowering.

The aroma that my children experience is often the aroma of a busy mom flying around multitasking to beat the clock.  Hurry up to hurry up some more.  Always things to do.  Very little aroma of stillness and heart-to-heart connection.  Lord, break me of the "Martha" Mama and make me more of the "Mary" Mama.....

The aroma that my husband experiences is about as diverse as they come!  He often slowly approaches me, "sniffs" lightly, and gauges my "scent" before proceeding.  Nothing about that process smells Christ-like!  If Christ is the center of my marriage, I need Christ to be the central aroma that lingers when I am with my husband.  Not the aroma of a crazy day, or of supper preparations, or of unmet expectations, and certainly not of hormones!  I have lots of work to do.......I need to reset my aroma for my husband so that Christ lingers and not my messy womaness.

The aroma that my friendships experience is probably non-existent.  I give myself so little margin that my time for my friendships gets pinched and sometimes cut off.  Instead of Christ being the aroma I leave with my friends, they are left with quick, short-and-sweet "wafts" as I move about trying to squeeze in my day what my hearts wants to take longer for.  My friends can't see my heart, so my friendships must have more than intentions to leave a sweet fragrance of love in their lives.  Another area I need to work on "smelling better"...
The aroma that my ministry women experience is probably closest to the aroma of Christ.  It is in this arena that I make the most effort to put off self and put on Christ.  Not for show or for anything other than pure motives, but I probably view this in my mind as where "Christ is really watching".  I know deep in my soul He has called me to serve where I am, so I don't want to disappoint Him.  I want to serve Him wholeheartedly and doing so brings me such joy!  While I know my entire life is an open book to Christ, something in me tends to place this platform higher and thus I am able to be more intentional with my aroma.  I need to carry this servant's aroma into my home and my marriage too!  That is my first ministry.  Christ didn't call me into ministry so that my family (and friends) would get my "leftovers".  Sounds like it's time for an "aroma make-over" as I strive to balance all He has called me to be.....

"Lord, thank you for sending me this devotion and allowing me to take a hard look at the aromas that linger after me.  Infuse me with your Holy Spirit so that Your fruit in me leaves the sweet scent of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control  (Galatians 5:22-23).  Remove the sinful aroma of self and replace it with Your redeemed aroma of Christ!"   In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

Activity from the devotion:

Now It’s Your Turn:

Make a list of your favorite fragrances.

1. the ocean breeze of salt water
2. country candles scented like cookies
3. Bath & Body Works--"sun-ripened raspberry"
4. my hubby's Polo cologne
5. my children's cheeks as I kiss them
6. fresh laundry

How do these fragrances make you feel?

1. free!  I associate the ocean with vacation and stealing time away with those I love in a place that I love!
2. the coziness of a warm and loving home
3. intimacy of my marriage
4. knowing my man is near
5. nothing like the blessing of beautiful and healthy children to spend my life loving on!
6. the fruits of a productive day serving my family and taking care of our home.  snuggling up with clean towels or sheets after a long day...

Are you saturating your life with the fragrance of God’s truth?

• daily time in the Word often outweighs my daily prayer time.  While I need to fill up on His Truth, I also need to fill up on His whispers.

Who are the people in your life who need to know Christ?

• those precious women He brings to CBS and anyone He leads across my path during everyday tasks.  May I not be too busy focused on my to-do list that I miss those faces and hearts who may need to be touched by Jesus through me

What step(s) do you need to take to be the aroma of Jesus Christ to the people in your life?

• I need to be INTENTIONAL.  We all have an internal magnet that pulls us toward self.  The aroma of Christ can't linger when I am focused on myself.  
• I need to remember that my purpose is to reflect Christ; not to reflect Billie Jo.
• Do my words and actions smell sweet of service to Jesus or sour of busyness to me?
• Lord, I invite you into my day.  Please mold me and change me so that I leave Your aroma everywhere You send me today.......

The Aroma of Christ devotion by "Girlfriends in God"

Christ Redeems the Sanctity of Marriage from Divorce

I have become acutely aware of the attack on marriages over the past year.  Primarily due to the attack my own marriage has suffered.  It's amazing how during your own season of suffering, the Lord leads you to others who are suffering in that same season.  It's as if I have on 3-D glasses that gives me eyes for hurting marriages.  Marriages are falling apart everywhere; there is no arena that is not suffering from this attack.  The number of marriage "fatalities" continues to climb......and my heart breaks for those whose hearts are breaking without Hope.

It seems Satan is using the facet of marriage to ramp up his dirty work.  By tearing apart the union closest to God's heart, Satan is undermining the sanctity of marriage, and thus attempting to undermine Christ.  Marriage is the relationship designed by God to reflect the relationship Christ has with His Church.  Satan is personally attacking God by amputating husbands and wives from one another, thus leaving us to limp along with handicapped marriages and divorce of staggering proportions.  Satan is infiltrating our minds with thoughts that marriage can be easily divorced.  No longer is the marriage covenant considered sacred or binding.

Satan declares war on marriage by shifting our focus to self and our wants and expectations, and then allowing our own spiral of selfishness to pull us away from Christ.  How simple, yet destructive, a battle plan.  The enemy just turns us over to our natural sinful nature--self.  The world is his ally and diligently works with him to entice, entitle, and convince us we need or deserve better than what we have.  Your typical, "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality.  "Going green" in marriage means removing the philosophy of fixing what is broken.  Instead, we are encouraged to seek to replace marriage with a greener, more appealing life that "we deserve".  If marriage is messy, simply dispose of it.  We live in a world that is focused on fast, convenient, and disposable.  This self gratification leads to a lack of permanence in our marriages.

Satan highlights self, which becomes our biggest enemy.  This is exactly where I found myself a few months ago.  Marriage, as it was, wasn't working for me.  I made it all about me.  It was easier to just want out instead of seeking my part of the solution.  If he wasn't going to change into what I wanted, then I couldn't do this anymore. I gave very little regard for the battle he was engaged in.  I was not supporting him from my own pit.  Instead of being his cheerleader as a wife should be, I allowed my disappointment and hurt to become rotten apples I threw at him while booing him off the husband field.  Satan distracted my focus from the marriage covenant to the worship of self.  Satan used past baggage to convince me I needed to pack up and move on.  I was convinced nothing would ever change.  Satan was winning in our marriage because we were both focused on self.

Our marriage was at another crossroads.  Would we continue to fight WITH one another or would we choose to fight FOR one another?  Would we claim the promises of Christ that we established our marriage on, or would we give in to the world's standards and simply divorce the sanctity of our marriage?  Today, I am praising the Lord that our marriage victory belongs to Christ!  Christ trumps self and thus defeats Satan and his tactics to sever marriages.  The Christ in our marriage is stronger than the enemy's pull that threatened to dissolve our marriage vows.  We chose marriage and the covenant we made with God fifteen years ago.  We surrendered our marriage to the One who joined us together and trust Him daily for the means to make this work.  In our own strength we fail 100% of the time.  In His strength we succeed 100% of the time.  What is humanly impossible is Divinely Possible.

Was it a switch that flipped from thoughts of divorce to happily-ever-after?  NO.  It's a struggle, to some degree, everyday.  He is fighting against his formative childhood, the easier path of passivity, the unnatural element of communication, and the negative chatter inside his mind.  But he is no longer fighting against me; he is fighting for me.  I am fighting against paralyzing insecurities and fear, fluctuating hormones, becoming emotionally unglued, and unrealistic expectations.  But I am no longer fighting against him; I am fighting for him.  There is only One reason the battle for our marriage was diverted from the path towards divorce.  That reason is CHRIST!  He alone saved our marriage.

My heart is heavily burdened for the disintegrating marriages that seem to be rapidly on the rise.  My heart hurts for the ways in which Satan is diluting marriage to a disposable entity.  The Father of Lies is convincing us that there is no other option than to divorce our marriages.  Satan is succeeding (for now) to undermine the Christ in us and in our marriages.  He is wreaking havoc on the unity of marriages, homes, and families.  We are accepting our brokenness far too easily and choosing paths that steer us away from one another, and ultimately away from the Greatest Power available to us!  Marriages everywhere need to know that Christ is the answer to any marriage struggling for its next breath.

Marriage is one of the hardest jobs we have been given in this fallen world.  Two messy people are to become one flesh and meet the other's needs which are fundamentally opposite of their own.  Is it any wonder that disaster strikes???  Again, I am drawn to the marriage parallel of Christ and His Church.  Christ--fully God and fully man and without sin--came to our sinful world to die for a people who despised and rejected His salvation while stubbornly choosing to cling to the destructive ways of their sins.  Without Christ, sin is all we know.  We are the polar opposite of Christ.  We are separated from God by our sin and He simply asks us to trust Christ for the forgiveness of those sins.  Yet, this simplicity is the ONLY WAY!  CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY TO REDEMPTION!  The same goes for marriages.  Christ is the only way a man and a woman (polar opposites if you ask me) can be united and hearts tied together in love for a lifetime.  A lifetime of love, forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, yielding, submission, and daily choosing one another over self.  We cannot do marriage on our own; we must be rescued from our selfishness and redeemed as one in Christ.  Christ is the difference between eternal life and death and Christ is the difference between marriage and divorce.  What is humanly impossible is Divinely Possible.

The bottom line, when we give up on our marriages, we are telling God He is not big enough to fix our mess.  We are choosing to walk away and hit the reset button.  I am aware of the familiar Bible verse that gives infidelity veto power over marriage.  However, I will passionately argue against that by claiming the power of Christ over it.  I am aware of the extenuating circumstances of abuse.  I am also aware that the efforts of only one spouse cannot necessarily be enough to jump-start reconciliation.  No two marriages are the same, nor can they all be covered by a blanket of black and white reasoning.  I do know, that no marriage is beyond Christ's redemption.  No human, male or female, is beyond Christ's redemption.  No baggage is beyond Christ's restitution.  The same power that raised Christ from the dead, is alive and living in us and in our marriages.  I just wonder why we are so quick to "choose life" for the unborn, yet we seem to be just as quick to "choose divorce" for the union made before God?  God created both.  We are aghast at ending life, yet numb to ending marriages.  Myself included.  How quickly I pulled the "eject" cord in my mind and in my heart during a time of marital crisis.  I will be forever grateful for Christ's forgiveness of that and for His redeeming power in my marriage.  He gets the Glory.  Our story for His Glory!  Our marriage for His Glory!

My heart aches for marriages to claim the awesome power of our Redeemer and resist the pull of the enemy to divorce the sanctity of our marriages.  Satan rejoices when we give up and take Christ out of the marital equation.  When we divorce the sanctity of marriage, we remove the power of Christ, of which there is no greater power.

"For Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world"  ~1 John 4:4

We have claimed that unparalleled power of Christ for our marriage today and every hard day ahead.  We now passionately share the power of Christ with every marriage being attacked by the enemy's forces.

Passion is born from redemption.

"Your internal passion determines external reach"  ~The Catalyst Leader by Brad Lomenick

The Collision of "His Needs" and "Her Needs"

This week has been hard.  Very hard.  It's been one of those marital collisions of "his needs" and "her needs" where one person has to walk away the loser.  The one thing we both needed was the one thing neither of us was in a position to give.  We were both being asked big things of us, but those things pulled us in opposite directions.  There was no middle ground or compromise this time.  I just wish this collision hadn't left me thrown under the bus.  But it did, because I am not as strong as he is.   Toss in the ingredient of shame for how I mishandled my needs and hurt, and we have a recipe for mess, with a capital M!   So now we're left to sort out all the emotions and begin to process our hurt without placing blame.  Being real sometimes means being raw.

Life under the bus hurts.  I feel alone, weak, not valued, disappointed, angry, wounded, shamed, and probably deep down betrayed, even though that is not the case.  Top all those with guilt because I know the Lord allowed this collision and will use it for His good, and I feel like a hot mess today.

I know I shouldn't feel all of those things towards him, but I do.  I know there was little he could have done different, but I needed him to.  I know I was wrong in my reactions, but I reacted anyway.  I know I am weak with faulty wiring, but I needed more than he gave.  I know that I should only need Him, but I didn't.  I needed my husband and he needed me to be stronger than I was.  Even midst my raw human emotions, God is present and will sort out the mess; restoring me to the woman He molds.  Its the process that is painful.

His needs and her needs seem to always be in such contrast, yet love requires putting the needs of your spouse above your own.  What does that look like?  How do I do that when my needs already feel huge?  This week, that looked like sleeplessness, loss of appetite, stress, fatigue, sickness, and raw holes in my soul.  I wish I could say that I made the selfless choice of putting his needs first, but I didn't.  There was no choice made on my part.  It was survival mode because the choice had already been made.  And for me, that meant just riding out the waves. This was not the week I needed to be asked to be who I haven't been before---strong enough.

So how do I become strong enough?  Christ in me is certainly strong enough.  He is MORE than strong enough.  But that doesn't always equate to human strength.  What keeps His strength from becoming my strength?  I don't know.  Maybe I don't surrender it all to Him?  Maybe I hang on to the comfort of fear and weakness rather than let it go and trust Him for security?  Maybe I wrongly equate security with not having any fear?  Who knows.  Humans will always struggle with being humans.

My process of sorting through the spectrum of emotions will continue.  I'm sure much needed sleep and quiet time with the Lord will provide the recovery needed from this week.    His needs and her needs will always continue to be an element of marriage that beckons to be reconciled.  Each one attempting to die to self and put the other's needs first.  We will continue to fail many times.  Circumstances will be thrown our way leaving little options for both to come out winners.  But I am so thankful for God's promise.....

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back to conquer.  Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."  ~Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NLT)

Matthew West---"Strong Enough" music video

The KrazyGlue in Our Love Story

So many times over this past year I have wanted to sit down and put my thoughts of marriage into words. The messiness of our marriage just seemed to make for a messy message every time.  So I avoided forming words until things moved away from disorder and closer to order.  Today as I reflect upon last Valentines Day and the year in between, my heart is ready to share the chapter of our love story marked by God's KrazyGlue.....

Valentines Day 2013 "Cupid" shot love darts all through my day.  Willie left love notes and gifts to my heart in every part of my day.....when my head hit the pillow that night, I felt loved and cherished to my very core.  He "knocked it out of the park" as we tease each other in his familiar baseball language.  The perfection of that day will always be remembered, however it was unrealistic to think it would carry us through the other 364 days of that year.  Ups and downs continued.  Marriage swung between messy and marvelous.  As we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary in Turks & Caicos, we once again experienced a mountain-top like none other and our marriage soared to new heights.  Again, not enough to realistically carry us through the remaining days that year.  We struggled.  We fought.  We hurt.  We loved.  Cycles repeated themselves and the roller coaster never seemed to end.  Trusted friends gave godly counsel.  Countless prayers were lifted.  Marriage counseling was sought.  Mentors were found.  Our heads knew God was in this, yet our hearts hurt from the humanness that steers us away from one another; focusing on our own brokenness and expectations.  Broken pieces in desperate need of glue.....God's KrazyGlue.

We continued moving forward, even when at times we didn't know how we would make it one more day as a couple.  Too many pieces and fragments to know how to rebuild our marriage.  Through God's grace, we faithfully and painstakingly trusted God and exercised much patience, grace, and love.  Through God's grace our marriage slowly began to look more like what God designed us to be.  We both brought baggage into our marriage and both contributed to accumulating more over our years together.  Marriage is hard work and not always roses and chocolates.  Two messy people joining as one do not cancel out the other's messy; we just make a bigger mess together.  :)

Looking back over the past year, I can see God's hands with us in every moment together and every person He sent across our path.  He never left us alone, nor did He allow our brokenness to defeat what He joined together for forever.  While we were focusing on putting the pieces back together to be what our marriage "used to be", God knew He could glue our pieces back together to make a new marriage.  The love of Christ in us is the KrazyGlue of love that binds our hearts together.  Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35-39), and when He is the center of our marriage, nothing can separate us from one another.  We are KrazyGlued together, forever.

This Valentines Day, 2014, we can look back and see how God became (or should I say, has always been) the KrazyGlue in our love story.  He never let anything pull us apart and He promises that nothing ever will.  Will there still be trials?  Yes.  Will there be seasons of regression?  Yes.  Will there be moments when marriage gets messy again?  YES!  There is no perfect wife or perfect husband, so there is no perfect marriage.  BUT, there is a perfect God who glues two broken pieces together in such a way that they become the strength of the adhesive love between them and thus, inseparable with the love of Christ!

While the memories of the amazing Valentines Day last year are still fresh, and can threaten to create expectations for a repeat this year, our simple gifts this year of a WillowTree "Together" couple and a homemade banana cream pie reflect far more intimate gifts.  We are together, holding one another tightly; knowing each other's heart and what makes them feel loved.  The greatest Valentine's gift this year is the season in our marriage marked with God's KrazyGlue.

Resources that I highly recommend for marriages:
#1 is God's Holy Word.  Read the Bible and pray together DAILY
http://lysaterkeurst.com/capture-his-heart/
http://lysaterkeurst.com/capture-her-heart
http://sharonjaynes.com/store/products/becoming-the-woman-of-his-dreams/
http://therespectdare.com/about-the-book
http://sharonjaynes.com/praying-for-your-husband/
http://www.familylife.com/audio
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/momentstogether/
http://drjamesdobson.org/broadcasts/archive
http://mensteppingup.com/
http://www.mansfieldsbookofmanlymen.com/
http://beyondordinary.refineus.org/

My Sweet Spots

---Prompted by the devotion link at the bottom---

Not everyone has been gifted the same skill sets.  Good thing, or life would be cookie cutter boring!  We are all one body in Christ as I have been studying in Ephesians.  Knees are just as important as fingernails.  Imagine life without either of them for a moment......

Many times I try to adopt the skill sets I admire in others.  I become discontent with my own gifts and rank them as insignificant when I begin the dangerous slope of comparison.  So as I seek to serve the One who created me and my purposes, I will joyfully use my simple sweet spots for His glory:

• kindness delivered from my kitchen
• crafting heart hugs for others
• seeking out the hurting and bringing Christ to them
• passion for children and their fragile hearts
• mailing pieces of my heart in personal notes
• organizing celebrations that make others feel special
• pouring myself into my family
• wholeheartedly serving Christ in ministry

Lord, use these gifts from You and highlight all the areas I can be Your hands and feet......

Finding Your Sweet Spot--P31 devotion

Love Painted on the Canvas of a Tree

As Valentine's Day approaches this week, my thoughts have been focused on love and how it exists in every aspect of life.  God is love and without Him we would never get to experience this incredible emotion and all its dimensions.  God created love, He IS love, He sacrificed His love, He designed His children to feel His love, and He gave His children His Spirit for our hearts to be drawn to Him in love.  There is no love apart from God.

Today this song was sung so beautifully and the lyrics penetrated my heart as I listened to the powerful words explaining love of the greatest proportion hanging on a tree for me; so that I may spend eternity in the Presence of the God who created me and created love.  "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"  ~1 John 3:1

As you concentrate on love this week and all the different relationships in which it exists, remember that you are the greatest love of Christ.  You are Christ's valentine.  His selfless love for you is God's greatest masterpiece.  Christ lovingly laid down His life for you.....surrender your life to Him and experience True Love.

On the cross with blood you painted, Your Masterpiece
Selfless love hanging on a tree, for me
Your out stretched arms a portrait, for all to see
Selfless love hanging on a tree, for me

Your Masterpiece--Ashmont Hill

Our Fit Family Finish Line

Today starts a fitness journey for our family.  This morning everyone stood on our body composition scale and received all of their starting numbers prior to each of our personal trainer workouts.  Each with a different goal, but each with the desire of improved health and fitness 8 weeks from today.  The hard work that awaits seems overwhelming to each one of us, yet we are in this together.  The support we will give and receive will get each one of us to the finish line on April 5th.  I'm sure our results will vary as much as our numbers did this morning.  However, the one thing we will have in common will be victory; as individuals and as a family!  When quitting seems the easier choice, we each will have 3 other people pulling us back up.

Family is the unit designed by God to bear one another's burdens, uphold one another in unconditional love, push one another closer to their vision of God's will, and do everything possible to honor, cherish, and protect God's gift of each other to one another.  No doubt this journey will have many highs and lows, but to cross the finish line of a happy, healthy, fit family will be priceless!  Let's do this.........

.....blog post will be continued on April 5, 2014.......

The Pitch of Politics

Baseball runs through the veins of my guys; they bleed black and orange for the Orioles!  This sport dominates much of the passion inside their hearts and the bond they share by spectating and participating together.  Since Braeden was a toddler, strong enough to swing a plastic bat, he has enjoyed baseball with Willie as mom and lil' sister cheered from the stands.  It's never been about the score or the skill, just the love of the game.  My guys' faces light up anytime baseball is mentioned.  So many memories have been made together.  As a Mama watching from the bleachers, their connection with one another and with the game is breathtaking.  Whether a home-run or a strike-out,  their character remains steadfast--joyful and in love with the leather.  Willie coaches with integrity and Braeden plays with heart.

Little League brings America's National pastime into the hearts and homes of many youth each spring.  We begin gearing up in January and anticipate the adjusted schedules, 4:15pm suppers, sacrifices, time, stained uniforms to scrub, practices, opening day, and the sheer delight in the fact that its baseball season again!  Every year baseball brings an energy to our family like none other.  It truly is our family's sport.  From late winter to late June we eat, sleep, and breathe baseball as Willie and Braeden suit up and hit the field together.  We enjoy many trips to Baltimore to cheer on the O's and experience baseball at yet another level--in Camden Yards.  It may not be our little diva's favorite thing, but baseball is our family's thing.

So as our family begins to wind up for Braeden's final year in Little League, the ruthless pitch of politics is thrown directly at us and stings the glove of our family.  The all-about-winning minds are wheeling and dealing and have designed a curve ball that severs this father and son.  Braeden's final year in Little League will not include his best coach in the dugout.  Baseball has quickly become tainted for my guys and the pain in their eyes and hearts is almost too much for this Mama to bear.  The love of the game has become painful as the reality of what has been lost sets in.

Thoughts of this being a tool to grow character and accomplish hard things asked of us by the Lord are just too soon to digest.  I suppose grieving would be the appropriate description.  Trying to make sense of the senseless and then explain the senseless to your 12 year old baseball fanatic is heartbreaking.  Watching my man struggle with this curve ball is gut-wrenching.  Seeing the disappointment on my child's face and shoulders is enraging.  Emotions have so many stages.  This Mama is praying for God's grace to move through them honorably.

So how do we respond to such injustice in the Christ-like manner required of us?  How do we respectfully submit ourselves to the "authority" that has stripped us of our family's dream?  "Turn the other cheek" or "fight for what's right"?  How do we reflect Christ in our actions?  The pitch of politics hits hard and plays for keeps.  The world's scoreboard will always look much different than God's scoreboard.

Politics will always be a painful part of our lives in this fallen world.  Man motivated by what he thinks will accomplish his own elevation.  The idol of self is commonly worshiped when man turns his focus inward and not Upward.  We are all subject to this pull.  Human nature is the hereditary gene we all have.  Its whether we choose to feed it or starve it that determines if we are self-seeking or Christ-seeking.

The pitch of politics stings sharply this week.  We continue to pray for wisdom, discernment, and the Lord's Will for how this family will play baseball this spring and how He will be glorified in this loss.  No matter what the score says at the end of the game, it will be recorded Who you played for and how you played His game.  Christ's team is always victorious!

No Sick Days Built into Mama's Contract

Have you ever noticed how Mamas are always the last ones to get sick in the family?  There may be those rare instances when germs take down the whole family all at once, but for the most part, it's a domino effect where Mama is the last one standing.  The general pattern in our home is that one person comes down with an illness and then each one of us takes our turn being "blessed".  One at a time.  And Mama is always last.  Worn out from caring and worn down from doing.

This domino effect began a week or so ago as one child came down with a cold, passed it on to the other child, who then passed it on to Dad.  Now that everyone has all but bounced back to normal, Mama, the last chic standing, is down.  No one can seem to remember feeling bad since their energy has returned and they expect life to resume as normal--busy.  But Mama can't keep up.  The couch is calling her name--"come stretch out just for a few minutes to recharge".  But the house, the kids, the hubby, the chores, the homework, the emails, the projects, the kitchen, the calendar; they are all calling Mama's name louder than the couch.  And so she presses on.  Longingly looking at the couch and what might have been....

Every time this Mama resolves to stop and rest, she hits a detour.  "I just need to finish this first."  "I need to take care of this and then I can take a break."  "I'm almost done and then can relax."  Tuesday unfolded just this way.  Mama kept pushing forward through her day as the "CRASH AHEAD" warnings got brighter and brighter.  She made it until about 4:30pm and then forced herself to sit (still sorting paperwork--but at least off her feet).  "Dad is just going to have to make supper when he gets home.  I've got nothing left."

Unfortunately, Mama's plan didn't work out.  "I'll be home at 5:30pm" turned into 6:00pm the kids are "starving and needing supper".  So Mama pulls herself up to begin the supper process.  Its going to be a breakfast night.  Pancakes, bacon, sausage, and eggs--Dad can fry up the eggs when he gets home.  So Mama and the peeps sit down to eat their pancakes, bacon, and sausage.  6:45pm and Dad is sitting in the driveway finishing his phone call while the egg skillet has been ready for half an hour.  Braeden taps on the truck window and Dad walks into the house still talking on the phone.  Mama breaks the eggs into the skillet and waits.  Dad still talking in another room.  Mama finally pleads for Dad to head to the skillet and so the eggs are started....they are served as dessert tonight.  Mama, exhausted, heads for the stairs where the bedroom couch is screaming her name.  But hubby speaks louder than the couch, "I know I'm late and I am truly sorry.  But we really need to talk about something."  And so Mama turns away from the calls of the couch and returns to the kitchen.  It's now time to switch "hats" as the hubby is distraught and needs to share his day with his wife.  No sick day for Mama today.  Maybe tomorrow.  Nope---schools are closed, daughter has doctor appointment, hubby heads to Richmond on business....

I'm beginning to think there are no sick days built into my Mama contract!
"My Grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  ~2 Corinthians 12:9

Mailboxes Deliver More Than Mail

        This Mama operates like clockwork on most days.  I schedule myself back to back, leaving little room for margin.  Margin means more time to get more done.  I am a to-do list oriented Type A personality that attacks each day with a plan and purpose.  If I can crash into bed having checked off many tasks on my to-do list, it's been a good day!  Fulfilling and exhausting all at the same time.
        Even though my long to-do lists are generally serving others, this Jesus-Girl can often miss those moments to just breathe in God.  My mind and heart are always three steps ahead of my feet; calculating my next move for precision.  Last week, our very creative God interrupted my to-do list and wrote His own to-do list for my day.  He sent me a very important message, stamped with His thumbprint, and placed it in a neighbor's mailbox.
        My morning had been rush, rush, rush as usual.  I had just picked up my son from school and was heading home for the 20 minute "layover" before heading back out the door to pick up my daughter from her bus stop.  "Mama's Mini-Van:  Moving and Serving Precious Cargo."  However, I hit a detour on my way home when traffic was rerouted near the schools for a car that had caught on fire.  Unnerved by the drama and anticipating the delay of my daughter's bus, this Mama's anxiety began to climb.  I slowly maneuvered through the detour and was finally on my way to the bus stop.  What I had failed to calculate was the icy bend in our development that sent "Mama's Mini-Van" sliding out of control.  After taking out a neighbor's mailbox and newspaper box, my van quickly came to a stop, sideways in the road.  My first thought, "I don't have time for this!"  God's thought:  "I have a message for you in that mailbox and I didn't want you to miss it."
        Of course, no one was home after many knocks and bangs on the door.  During my frantic phone call to my husband, he gently reminded me this was not a crime scene, therefore I was permitted to leave and head to the bus stop for Jillian.  She did not have to be stranded at the bus stop, causing a dramatic meltdown; I was enough for him to handle at the moment--no need for more "casualties".  He would meet me back at the neighbor's house to assess and begin the mailbox restoration process.  In all of God's grace, Mama's van was not damaged; just her pride......and her to-do list.
        Between the bus stop and our ride back to the destroyed mailbox, I was able to have a conversation with my children that was part of God's message in that mailbox.  I did not want to return to our neighbor's house; I was embarrassed.  My kids were able to hear my heart and then see me do the hard things.  Take responsibility when its easier to walk away.  In that window of time, our neighbor had arrived home to the large skid mark that removed part of her yard, two flattened poles, and the mailbox laying haphazardly in her driveway.  As I (profusely) apologized and my husband made plans to restore her property, our neighbor's words caught me off guard--"That was very nice of you to come back."  Nice?  She wasn't expecting anyone to return and take ownership of the destruction.  I could have ignored the consequences of my actions and thus would have met her expectations.  How sad that that mindset is the norm in our society.  We were able to show her a different set of standards that are lived by.  Her mailbox held more than just mail that day.  God delivered both of us a message in that mailbox.
        My to-do list that day certainly was not to collect "mail" from God in our neighbor's mailbox.  But our creative God used that "detour" to speak to me, to my children, and to my neighbor.  My children witnessed Mama doing hard things as the Bible commands us to do.  My hubbie was able to come to my rescue; a much needed opportunity for our marriage.  My neighbor was able to see faith in action; a contrast to the world's mode of operation.  I'd say God's to-do list held much more valuable tasks than mine did.  God used a mailbox to deliver much more than mail to this Jesus-Girl.....
             

My Story...for His GLORY!

This past week I gave my testimony in Leaders Council at Community Bible Study.  God has done AMAZING things right before my eyes and I wanted to share with anyone that may need a glimpse of what God can accomplish in anyone's messy life.....

~3 Minute Testimony~

Billie Jo Marker

          My vocabulary has always included God.  I was blessed to grow up in a home where my family lived by God's Word.  It wasn't always pretty and was dysfunctional through many seasons, but always grounded on God's principles which produced an ever-present faith. 

          I recall learning Bible story after Bible story which created an inquisitive mind full of questions that needed explanations.  My Sunday School teachers were faithful to increase my understanding and build my foundation on Jesus.  I made my way through school gaining courage and boldness in my faith each year; carrying the label of "Jesus Freak" with me as I chose to write papers on God and live differently than most of my friends.  No swearing, no school dances, no unbelieving boyfriends, no pop music, no monetary extras, no popularity.  While my girlfriends were writing "Dear Diary", I was journaling "Dear Lord" and pouring my heart and prayers onto paper and up to God.  He was my Rock, my Savior, my strength, and my guide as I grew.  By high school my heart for Jesus and others must have been evident, because my graduating year I received the Senior Superlative of "Most Caring".  I pray this "Jesus Girl" is remembered for my love for God that I shared with others.

          Life quickly blew by with youth group, jobs, dating, internships, college, and of course falling in love and marrying Willie.  He shared my love for God and we built our home on the Lord as we followed His will and lived by His Word.  Times were tough and we survived many transitions, but God's fingerprints were everywhere and His Hand of protection always on us.  He was faithful, even when we were not.

          Two children later, we found ourselves operating in the comfortable "Auto-Pilot" mode.  Routines and a certain degree of laziness pushed  church attendance and God into "an emergency only" status.  If we wanted to sleep in on Sundays, so be it.  We'd make it next week, as long as we could find our Bible Sunday morning.  Life was comfortable.

          The unexpected death of Willie's father began a shattering domino effect of crisis' that spiraled our family into deep heartache and tragedy before we finally landed softly in God's loving arms.  God tripped our "Auto-Pilot" mode into "Survival" mode and we quickly learned the stark contrast between the world's darkness and the Lord's Light.  Childhood abuse confronted, family betrayal, lies, endangered children, lawsuits, false testimonies against us, estrangements, and evil of many degrees, became our reality by no consequences of our own.  We needed a life line back to God and quickly!

          I clearly remember one morning crying out to God, "I can't breathe, I'm lost, and I'm drowning."  He spoke in my heart and prompted me to call a friend who had talked about a CBS Bible study she attended.  I knew I needed to get plugged back in to God's Word because my battles were bigger than I could fight, but not bigger than my God.  God quickly connected the dots and I began to soak up His Word through CBS; no longer drowning in life's injustices, but floating by God's grace and protection.  I participated very little that first year in CBS, because by soaking up and not speaking up, God began a healing process in my soul that changed my life and changed my heart.  The God I had known since a child, rescued this "Jesus Girl" and drew me back to His side.

          True to His Word and Sovereignty,  God intervened and rescued our family out of the evil pit that fought to consume us.  He made us a brand new creation by doing away with all things old and providing all things new.  A new home, a new community, a new job, a new church family, new friends, new ministry opportunities, a new foundation on which to raise our children, new hearts inclined towards Him,  a new love for our Jesus, and a renewed Hope for our broken souls. 

          When asked to share my testimony, I think how boring it would be because I had no dramatic past or conversion since I've known God since a little girl.  But as a lifelong believer, God took what man meant for evil and turned it into something VERY dramatic and life-changing. 

          From ashes to beauty we were restored.  From "Auto-Pilot" to "Jesus Take the Wheel" we surrendered.  This girl's testimony now has it's drama!  I can't help but chuckle at the sense of humor God has. 

          This "Jesus Girl" grew up knowing Jesus, but now I get to spend the rest of my life loving my Jesus--my Rescuer, and serving Him with all of my heart as He leads me, stretches my faith, and chisels me into the woman He designed me to be.  Jesus stole my heart and longs to steal your heart too! 

"Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.  

No one comes to the Father except through me." "   ~John 14:6

God is just waiting to make you His "Jesus Girl" in your 

beautiful story......Your Story for His Glory!

Everyone's Race Looks Different

This morning in Sunday School we discussed perseverance.  Hebrews offers us an incredible glimpse into the "hall of faith" heroes who ran their race with perseverance and crossed the finish line into God's Presence.  Being a runner, I love the analogy of running a race.  Training, discipline, passion, endurance, strategy, fuel, equipment, fans, and time.  All of these are needed to run a good race.  All of these are needed in the marathon of life.  Perseverance doesn't come natural.  We even have to work at persevering.  The world we live in worships self and the "you deserve the easy life" mentality.  It becomes a magnet, drawing us away from the True Compass that will guide us to the only finish line that will ever matter.

How creative is our God to give each one of us gifts and passions for our unique race?!  My race will not look like someone else's race and that person's race will not look like mine or anyone else's.  We each were created for purpose and God's Will for us is to walk with Him daily as He coaches us through each phase of our race.  Uphills, downhills, cross-terrain, heat, cold, fueled, and empty.  All seasons will be experienced over the course of our race.  He is the constant that will never change during any part of our race.  He alone is our strength in every step we pound on the pavement of life.

In our humanness we tend to compare.  My race doesn't look like so-and-so's race.  So-and-so needs to be more passionate about ________ like I am.  Everyone should _______, just like me.  We get our eyes fixed on what we think "the" race of life should look like, that when we find others not meeting our vision, we begin to criticize and judge.  Reality is, everyone's race is going to look different.  Question is, am I running the race God designed just for me?  Challenge is, do I judge other's races?

If you have ever run in a race, then you know that every runner is different.  Their journey prior to race day is different from anyone else's, they will run a race like no one else, and they will return home to running in their own unique way.  But bottom line is they are all runners.  Running for different reasons, different causes, different abilities, different goals.  But the fact that they are out there running means they are each running with passion.  When that passion for your race is rooted in God's Will, you can persevere through any obstacle and keep running the race before you.  The other runners running their own races should no longer be seen as "competition" but as teammates.  Everyone will cross THE finish line into eternity---did I run my race well?  Did I place my faith in Jesus so that my eternity will not be in separation from God?   Everyone's race looks different, but God desires that everyone runs their race with Him and finishes in His Presence.

"...and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."  ~Hebrews 12: 1-2

Through the Lens of Our Snow Day

ALERT:  Washington County Public Schools will be closed today.

Whether received via email, phone, text, or Facebook, this announcement evokes quite the spectrum of reactions.  Opinions, back-up childcare, cancelled appointments, inconveniences, criticism, and differing perspectives all quickly bubble to the surface.  Facebook becomes littered with everyone's opinion of why or why not WCPS should or should not have made the call they did.  The backlash that the public school system receives, both "for" and "against", still amazes me.  There is only one Superintendent of WCPS and I'm guessing none of the individuals ranting on Facebook ever applied for that job.

So while others grumble and complain and scramble to make accommodations to their snow-day, this Mama counts her blessings that she is able to stay home and enjoy another day with her kiddos.  Life does not go on for us, and together we can hunker down and hit the pause button for a whole day!  I can catch up on projects and housework, while the kids can play and enjoy the freedoms a snow day brings; all of us under one roof, doing our own things while being acutely aware that "we're all home together".  The ULTIMATE snow day is when Dad works from home too.  Sleeping in, snow play, hot cocoa, board games, movies, pajamas, and books.  These are just a few of my favorite [winter] things.  When everyone is home safe in the nest, Mama is a very happy chic!  Don't get me wrong, this chic would much rather "fly south for the winter" where flip flops are required.  But if winter is here, then let it dump all the snow it wants so that home is where my heart can be, at least for one more day.  <3

Wishing more Mamas could see the beauty in a snow day--even when the kids start fighting, the electricity goes out, the library book is due, your work piles up, there is no food in the fridge, the sidewalk needs shoveled, or you're asked for the millionth time "can we pleeeeaaaase invite friends over".......

The Pains of Practicing

My daughter, Jillian, is a mini-me!  Quite often, my husband and I exchange smirks as she does something else that mirrors her Mama!  And vice-versa, our son, Braeden, is Willie's mini-me and we exchange many coy smiles as he imitates Willie just as often!  It's quite comical in our home!  Usually our mini-me's exhibit our character flaws more often than they exhibit our character attributes.  But I'll leave that ratio for another blog!  ;)

With all these snow days this winter, I was looking for something for Jillian to do.  I recommended that she practice her flute.  Her eyes lit up and she opened her case and music with much anticipation (such the drama queen!).  In all of about 20 seconds, she struggled getting her lip and mouthpiece to cooperate so that she could begin making music.  I took the flute and showed her how to roll the mouthpiece in/out to make the needed adjustments.  As soon as she heard the strong sound I was able to produce on HER flute, she shut down.  The flute was firmly disassembled, put away, and I was left with the echo "I HATE PLAYING THE FLUTE!" as she stomped upstairs to her bedroom.  I just stood there dumbfounded.

Once again, Jillian struggled with the pains of practice.  This was not the first time.  It took her much longer than necessary to learn how to ride a bike, because when practice got tough and success wasn't happening, she quit.  Practice was too painful and she convinced herself of 2 things:  1--she was always going to fail and 2--she didn't really WANT to learn anyway.  I'm sure a psychologist would have a hay-day with her!  Did I mention she is a mini-me?   hmmm...

Cross-country is another example.  When practicing got hard, I would pick her up from school and hear the frustration in her voice as the tears of "I don't want to do cross-country" ran down her face.  Mama put on her tough gloves and reminded Jillian that she made a commitment and needed to see it through.  The CC meet would soon be here and all her hard work would soon be worth it.  Of course this little pep talk fell on deaf ears.  Quitting was the only option she saw.  Even though she was excelling during practice, it was tough and just too painful in her opinion.  Her motto was becoming  "just stick with what comes easy".

Moving on to  yet another example--Dance.  Every Monday (for the last 3 years!) we repeat the same drama of "I don't want to go to dance class!"  This one totally confuses me!  She LOVES to dance, is extremely talented at Tap Dance, and LIVES for the stage and costume each May during recital season.  So why does she psyche herself out and not want to go each week to practice?  Because practice reminds her it isn't always easy.  It is painful.  Fortunately, the love of dancing is stronger than her fears (plus Mama knows her best and insists that she goes) and Jillian attends dance class every Monday night;  more often than not, leaving class with a smile.  :)

Math Facts, Reading, diving, piano, the list goes on for areas Jillian deems too painful to practice.  Oh, how I see myself in her!  The mirror is not always kind.  My mama's heart hurts for this daughter of mine who like me, struggles to see her worth in her imperfectness.  Practice means you aren't perfect and that cuts.  Why do we place such high expectations on ourselves?  We need to find the fun and pleasure in practicing and seeing growth over time.  Instead, we want it and we want it now.  Patience, or lack thereof, must also come in to play as I examine these character flaws evident in both our lives.  God loves us just where we are and yet He gently ushers us towards the improved being He can go before us and see.  We, on the other hand, want the maturity and skill without the perseverance and struggle of practice.

Thus the task of being a Mama continues and I get to take this journey with my precious mini-me.  Both of us pushing past the need to quit or avoid those things that heighten the awareness of our imperfections.  Our worth is not in our ourselves or what we can do; even after much painful practice.  Our worth is in the fact that we are daughters of the King and His love for us is so great that He lavishes it upon us in our imperfect messes.  Pushing through the pains of practicing will build character in our messy humanness.  Practice doesn't highlight the need or improvement, it demonstrates the drive of desire.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"   ~1 John 3:1

"Women and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hormones"

You can see them on my face.  You can see them in my jeans.  You can see them in my attitude.  No matter how hard I try, I can never seem to disguise my hormones.  "Next month will be different."  It never is.  The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting a different result.  That is hormones.  They repeat themselves with great predictability, yet I still expect myself to be able to control them for a better result.  I am insane to think hormones are controllable.  Where does that leave me?  Depressed.

For a year now I have said good-bye to the hormone "regulating" pills (hahaha) and embraced el-naturale hormones.  Surely those synthetic hormones were to blame for the repetitive roller coasters.  Guess what?  They're still terrible.  They're still horrible.  And they still repeat the misery with 100% predictability.  It's like seeing a freight train coming and knowing it's going to run you over...again.  Insane people think, "it won't hit me this time".  It always does.  Where does that leave me?  Frustrated.

I do not consider myself a quitter.  So for the past year.....I've tried diet, exercise, increased water in-take, extra sleep, "happy" pills, "water" pills, acne creams, and read too many books on PMS to count!  Yet, to no avail, have I found a defense against the hormones that continue to wage war on my body, my spirit, and subsequently my family.  How discouraging it is to be stuck--your spirit wants to be joyful, but your hormones keep sending you back to the familiar, and seemingly unavoidable pit.

As a Christian, I understand and wholeheartedly believe in the hundreds of Bible verses speaking to the condition of the soul.  God is my All and has promised to meet my every need.  Yet the struggle with the terrible, no good, very bad hormones continues.   This leads me to God, my Creator.  Hormones are no mistake on God's part.  He created them with purpose.  However, simply listing the pros of hormones will not level out the scale that is severely tipped to the negative side.  I must trust in His plan.  Heaven is promised to have no more sickness, no more tears, and no more suffering.  I believe Heaven will have no more hormones!  For all eternity!!!  So how do I function in the "now" while waiting on the "one day"?

The trial and error will surely continue.  I will keep searching Google for remedies to try and may even look into a hormone specialist (they exist, don't they?).  Either way, I will have to hit menopause at some point, right?  This hormone war can only last so long!  If nothing else, I will have earned medals for Bravery (going into public with severe bloating), Combat (fighting those monster zits), Marksmanship (poor Willie!), Purple Heart (mood swing casualties), and Tactical Achievement (evading PMS missile strikes) by the time I either get to menopause or "hormone-free Heaven"!

Imperfect Words Are Better Than No Words

Oh, how I have missed the feel of the keys clicking away as my thoughts pour onto the screen!   I am a blogger that needs to find (or rather, make) the time to indulge myself in the stress-reducing world of words.  I have always been a reader.  You can find books in just about every room in my house, every bag I carry around, and there is always one or two books on the front seat of my van.  But what I didn't realize was how not only reading words, but writing words, fills a desire inside of me too.  Quiet time to be still and dance with the words bubbling around my head and heart.

When I first started to blog, I had expectations for what I thought my blog should look like.  I wasn't even conscience of them, they were just my assumed visions.  Topics, length, editing tools, references, pictures, etc.  But over the course of these past few months, when my time has been devoted to other priorities, I thought I simply didn't have time to blog.  As January arrived and I thought about New Year's resolutions, I knew blogging was an area I wanted to strive to increase.  I wanted to blog more and possibly with regularity.  I needed a plan.  Set a goal and reach it!  Once a month?  Once a week?  This course of thinking caused me to unpack my blog expectations and I soon discovered I was placing too much on myself.  Perfection is not required.  Yet perfection has kept me from the words that bring me so much joy.  Just putting myself in front of this screen and back into the world of words has been so refreshing!  Oh, how I've missed the dance with words!

So while I remove perfection from this one tiny area of my life (perfection permeates my entire character!), I know that I can enjoy the freedom my blog gives me instead of limiting it to only those words that pass my own critical test.  It is far better for me to imperfectly blog from the heart, than to become distracted by perfection and miss the words that are never given the chance to be exhaled.