The Pains of Practicing

My daughter, Jillian, is a mini-me!  Quite often, my husband and I exchange smirks as she does something else that mirrors her Mama!  And vice-versa, our son, Braeden, is Willie's mini-me and we exchange many coy smiles as he imitates Willie just as often!  It's quite comical in our home!  Usually our mini-me's exhibit our character flaws more often than they exhibit our character attributes.  But I'll leave that ratio for another blog!  ;)

With all these snow days this winter, I was looking for something for Jillian to do.  I recommended that she practice her flute.  Her eyes lit up and she opened her case and music with much anticipation (such the drama queen!).  In all of about 20 seconds, she struggled getting her lip and mouthpiece to cooperate so that she could begin making music.  I took the flute and showed her how to roll the mouthpiece in/out to make the needed adjustments.  As soon as she heard the strong sound I was able to produce on HER flute, she shut down.  The flute was firmly disassembled, put away, and I was left with the echo "I HATE PLAYING THE FLUTE!" as she stomped upstairs to her bedroom.  I just stood there dumbfounded.

Once again, Jillian struggled with the pains of practice.  This was not the first time.  It took her much longer than necessary to learn how to ride a bike, because when practice got tough and success wasn't happening, she quit.  Practice was too painful and she convinced herself of 2 things:  1--she was always going to fail and 2--she didn't really WANT to learn anyway.  I'm sure a psychologist would have a hay-day with her!  Did I mention she is a mini-me?   hmmm...

Cross-country is another example.  When practicing got hard, I would pick her up from school and hear the frustration in her voice as the tears of "I don't want to do cross-country" ran down her face.  Mama put on her tough gloves and reminded Jillian that she made a commitment and needed to see it through.  The CC meet would soon be here and all her hard work would soon be worth it.  Of course this little pep talk fell on deaf ears.  Quitting was the only option she saw.  Even though she was excelling during practice, it was tough and just too painful in her opinion.  Her motto was becoming  "just stick with what comes easy".

Moving on to  yet another example--Dance.  Every Monday (for the last 3 years!) we repeat the same drama of "I don't want to go to dance class!"  This one totally confuses me!  She LOVES to dance, is extremely talented at Tap Dance, and LIVES for the stage and costume each May during recital season.  So why does she psyche herself out and not want to go each week to practice?  Because practice reminds her it isn't always easy.  It is painful.  Fortunately, the love of dancing is stronger than her fears (plus Mama knows her best and insists that she goes) and Jillian attends dance class every Monday night;  more often than not, leaving class with a smile.  :)

Math Facts, Reading, diving, piano, the list goes on for areas Jillian deems too painful to practice.  Oh, how I see myself in her!  The mirror is not always kind.  My mama's heart hurts for this daughter of mine who like me, struggles to see her worth in her imperfectness.  Practice means you aren't perfect and that cuts.  Why do we place such high expectations on ourselves?  We need to find the fun and pleasure in practicing and seeing growth over time.  Instead, we want it and we want it now.  Patience, or lack thereof, must also come in to play as I examine these character flaws evident in both our lives.  God loves us just where we are and yet He gently ushers us towards the improved being He can go before us and see.  We, on the other hand, want the maturity and skill without the perseverance and struggle of practice.

Thus the task of being a Mama continues and I get to take this journey with my precious mini-me.  Both of us pushing past the need to quit or avoid those things that heighten the awareness of our imperfections.  Our worth is not in our ourselves or what we can do; even after much painful practice.  Our worth is in the fact that we are daughters of the King and His love for us is so great that He lavishes it upon us in our imperfect messes.  Pushing through the pains of practicing will build character in our messy humanness.  Practice doesn't highlight the need or improvement, it demonstrates the drive of desire.

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!"   ~1 John 3:1